Quarantine has basically got all of us “trapped”. This is true in the sense that there is this inability to move around. Going outside, which was once a simple routine back then, has now become a superpower. Heck, it is even an early Christmas gift we all hope to receive way before December 25 comes around. I mean who knows, we may get to that point should “you know what” decides to stay around a lot longer.  Quarantine really has us thinking a lot of stuff in this “trapped” state of mind.

For me, this uncertain season has got me thinking this very question, “Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?” It has got me reminiscing at regrets from my sometimes troubled past, while aspiring for dreams that may seem ambiguous given our very doubtful future. Mix these altogether, and I have just brewed this very question that has been adamantly staring down at me for weeks now. I understand that I recently wrote about how my alternative dream actually worked out for me, but I also remember that I have other dreams too.     

I was looking forward to finally going on solo trips, one of my main bucket-lists before leaving this Earth. I was so excited to watch more concerts after experiencing a couple of them last year. I was so prepared to finally get out of my introverted shell by actually getting to know other people, whether it came from work or wherever. I’ll even include this petty but much desired goal of finally dating someone for real after all those rejections I dealt with in College. I even made a step-by step guide on how to not look foolish should my first date become a reality. All those, and so much more, were wiped away by C****-19. While some of y’all already got to experience these before quarantine happened, here I was, just getting started with my life, ready to join in on the fun.  But just like that, I’m not sure when or even if I can pull off these goals that were once considered “normal movements” then. You’d think I’d be crazier than a daredevil should I even try to pull these stunts off, and I wouldn’t blame you guys for it.

I know in some of your eyes, mabababaw lang ang mga problema ko (they don’t mean much), and yes, I acknowledge that other people are going through more difficult struggles. But be honest with me for a second, I’m sure y’all think about the same things I ponder about at 3 in the morning. Even those whose problems bear greater magnitude ask the same damn question that I’ve been asking myself lately. And that, my friends, explains it all. The struggle everyone else has to go through kinda justifies why you and me look back at regrets, unfulfilled dreams and heartbreaks. I know I’m not making sense now, but give this time and maybe a few more reads, and it will all make sense once we escape this tumultuous interval. The fact we all have problems is powerful, in the sense that we’re all going through the same battles within ourselves. The situations are different, but the common feeling of experiencing a problem is shared among many.

All this goes to show that we ain’t perfect fam. Sure, iba-iba yung mga hinaharap at pinaghihirapan natin (we go through different struggles), but that’s the beauty of it all. Like I said earlier, problems vary from one another, but the fact we even have problems makes our pain shared. Even those who “succeeded in life first” did not have it pretty at all. I’m not a scientist, but it does not take rocket science to prove this. The “well-off” ones, the ones who experienced love earlier before we could even taste a little of it, any other person you can think of, may pinagdaanan din sila (they had their issues too). Let me reiterate, nobody’s lives are perfect, so the struggle you deal with today will result in something beautiful tomorrow.

On a more personal note, my mom keeps bringing up “delayed gratification”, a phrase I honestly get annoyed at whenever I hear it. There are a lot of instances when I don’t understand what the heck that even means. Wait for signs?? Signals?? Ano ba talaga Ma??  (What do you really mean by this Momma?) As I’ve grown older by the day, I’ve taken that timeless advice with a grain of salt. There are still instances when I don’t totally get it, but as I mentioned earlier about common struggles, it is only a matter of time until I connect the dots. If anything, “delayed gratification” has worked out on multiple occasions. It’s definitely being put to the test once more, but on a much greater scale and magnitude, but when has my mom not been correct, right ma?

Like I said, quarantine has got me, and the rest of y’all, thinking about a lot of stuff. If anything, I totally understand of y’all don’t understand a thing or two from what I have produced today. But, just know that your everyday struggles and self-doubts aren’t in vain. Indeed, our physical, but more importantly, mental welfare has been significantly shaken to our core. What matters is that we all stay the course. It is definitely okay to feel these things, but what’s not ok is despairing and giving up. It will be harder to combat our inner demons, but we definitely need our faith and hope to prevail more than ever. As for the “nice guys” such as myself, now is the perfect time to be even nicer to others around you, especially those in need. This is not to be rewarded, but because it’s the right thing to do. Based from experience, however, the nice guys do get rewarded when it’s all said and done, even if we tend to “finish last”.

Yours Truly,

D.E.L. R.O.